The smell of your skin still lingers on the shirt, and it's fading. Yet, i do not want to wash it.
My mind, and perhaps my feelings being took control. It happened, less than five seconds. Though I always wish that tis wouldn't happen. I heard your voice, murmuring beside my ears. Could hardly remember what you said, even I tried my best to recall. Your skin moved to and fro against me, soft and gentle. I feel your lips, kissed you as if you were mine. The adrenaline was so strong. Real strong.
I know, I shouldn't do this. This is a wrong thing to do.
But I still want to. I want to pleasure you. To feel as if you were mine, at least for a moment. You found this is not the right thing to do. Everything came to a halt.
Lying beside each other. You asked, 'What are you thinking?'
And I said, 'Don't know.'
In fact I know. I just don't want to share. Or perhaps, I wish to share. It's just that I'm afraid of the consequences after I share.
I couldn't see thru your heart, or even your mind. Do not know what you were thinking. But I guess there's something on your mind. Couldn't remember what I was thinking either. Of all sudden, something came into my mind, got my emotions runing high. At the same time too, though I do not know what was that in your mind, we held each other hands tight. Slowly, we hugged each other so tight that I wouldn't mind if I got choke.
Is that what's on your mind are something hurtful to you?
It was a very quiet night. Everybody was asleep, except the neighbour's dogs. They barked. I heard you breathing beside me. We were so close. So close. Slowly inhaled when you exhaled, and exhaled when you inhaled. Afraid of taking too much air might make you unbreathable.
We hugged. You kissed me on my forehead, my cheek, and my lips. I know, those kisses could represent anything, except love.
Time passed. I rubbed your head, played with your hair when you were having your sweet siesta. I wish I could stay like this. I do not want to wake up, afraid of facing the reality. But I know, when the dawn breaks, I'll have to go.
And finally, it's time for me to pack and leave. Things wouldn't be the same as tonight once I step out. But I have to. It's time to wake up from my dream.
Everything that happened were too good to be true, and I do not deserve those, from you. Of all sudden I have no idea how should I face you. I decided to disappear, from your life. I ran away from KL for few days. It's hurt to stay near to you, reminds me of everything about you. Since that, my feelings got confused. Struggle in between like and love.
Some ppl may see what was there all along, though things happened. And then there are some other ppl, who run as far as they can, so that they don't have to look at themselve. People who know me well will know that I am the later one. I hate doing this too, running away from what happened and you. I hate myself for being so pathetic when I blog about nostalgia things like this.
I kissed you on your cheek before I left. You do not know, that was a kiss goodbye.
And when I was about to run away from you, you called. Looking at the caller's name, I told myself not to pick up. But ended up, I said 'hello'.
