Are you true? Or fake?

My period comes. Been having PMS for few days. I get angry and frustrated easily.

I tried to control my temper, but I find it is hard. I easily throw some blows to people around me. It is almost the same for any ordinary days I suppose. I tend to show my dissatisfaction straight when I got into some situations which turn me unhappy. Most people will fake a smile in front of you even if they don't like you. But I'm totally opposite. I hardly do this.

It's hard that I don't have many friends I can hang out with. Part of the reasons is because I do not fake things in front of the person I don't like. Don't you think there's no point for you to fake everything and hang out with those people, don't you? It’s hypocrisy for them to pretend that they like you but in fact they don’t.

It wasn't because I prefer to be alone. It's pathetic. As if you are so desperately want to have lotsa friends to hang out with, as if you do not want to be left out by others. 

Not to say that I'm good, you know. I'm just indifferent. Neither good nor bad.

You deal with so many people everyday, but how many of them you think he/she will be a true friend? Though I hang out with boys and girls, but I still take precautions. Who knows some of them may have bad intentions. I can't deny that I'm gullible. That's why I have to learn how to protect myself, in order you, people who fakes things out there would not have the chance to take advantage on me.

Friends who hang out with you might also betray you someday. The real side of these people will reveal someday in some hard situations.

Man who comes after you might fake everything in front of you too in order to take advantage on you. They lie to you telling you how much he loves you, do stupid stuffs for you so that you will believe that he actually loves you, and so that you would believe that he is actually serious to you.

I tried to protect myself, taking precautions, got into fight with some bloody fool who tried to tell you how sincere he is, yelled at you saying 'why can't you understand my feelings since all the things I did for you?!' You cry in the room, feeling sad and fed up with them, thinking that you are just trying to protect yourself and they have no right to stop you. He slammed the door and left, and next you won't hear anything from him. No text message, no phone calls. Is this how he shows you that he's serious? I become sensitive. Every single movement you made, every single word you said, I will observe, I listen and I analyze.

Guys always get fed up with me, saying that I am over sensitive. Since all the shits crammed and happened to me, i guess there is nothing wrong for me to protect myself rite?

Anyway, I'm glad that there are still people who will sit right beside you and wipe your tears after the fight instead of slamming the door, left and then disappear from your life. =)

Saturday, April 25, 2009